Thursday, January 26, 2017

A double dog dare is not the answer

Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what is wrong
Was I unwise to leave them open for so long
Jackson Browne

I've been looking through the Book of Mainenites lately, particularly the Book of Jim. This is because the number of potential “Why me's” continues to grow. I don't think I would say we have reached Job numbers yet, but if I got caught out in a shower of frogs without an umbrella, I wouldn't be surprised.

Before you have a fit... I know the rain of frogs wasn't Job's in the Bible, but maybe there is a similar incident in the Book of Mainenites, I haven't read the whole thing.

You may wonder why I would make fun over something as important as my eyesight. Well, what would you rather I do? Making fun of serious situations is what I do...it's how I cope.

Anyway, my eyes have been bothering me constantly the last few weeks, with the situation worsening as the days go by. For lack of a medical term, they keep producing gunk, which obscures my vision. It is constant. All day long, every day. Once in a while, the gunk hardens and I need to take care not to scratch my eye or the surrounding skin.

My Idaho friend Peters (currently his real name) tells me he has an eye condition where he feels like he's looking through some kind of gell all the time. He quit playing fast pitch softball when he struck out on three pitches that sounded fast.

Mine isn't quite like that, but my vision is blurred most of the time and I have to keep clearing gunk, wet and/or dry, out of my eyes.

As is often the case, it's hard for my doctors to pin down what's causing this. The best guess is that it's a side effect of something that I'm taking.

If that's the case, once again we face the dilemma of whether or not the cure is worth it. We haven't really had a report on my kappa light chain proteins for a while. We'll make sure the necessary blood is taken the next time we visit the clinic, which is in just a couple of days. We can make a decision from there.

I know my friend Peters has been brave with a problem that, in this case, is obviously greater than mine. But, I don't want my health plan to come down to a case of a double dog dare. He has what he has and is dealing with it as he does. I have what I have and Im dealing with it as I does, and I'll be in Scotland afore him, but how much of it I'll be able to see would be in some doubt.

Look, as far as we know, this isn't threatening my sight. It is merely another inconvenience in a life that has become full of them.

On the other side of this particular moon... I seem to have stopped throwing up. I still feel nauseous much of the time, but vomiting seems to have taken a holiday. That's very good.

Buy on the other, other side, I feel a lot of bone pain. Many of my bones register a five on the scale I have to report at each visit. Still, if I touch almost any of my main bones, the pain shoots up to a 10 and beyond. I probably need to have a full body bone scan done, which involves about 26 X-rays.

My read on that is that my medical team is reluctant to do it. I suppose they don't see much in the way of assistance coming out of it. If the myeloma has done damage, and the scan shows that, well... what are we supposed to do about it. The process would seem to have little value in terms of improving how I feel.

But, here's the thing. I don't care. I don't care if we can't do anything about the damage that it's done. I want to know if I have lesions, or holes, or cracks, or nothing affecting my bones. I haven't made a big deal out of it yet, but I'm going to and I know the doctors will give the go ahead for the scan. They are absolutely concerned with my mental well being, just as much as my physical situation.

So, stay tuned... again. The eyes may have it, but what does that mean, exactly.

There are a variety of versions of the story that gives this blog its name. The pony is the constant in all of them. A man is on his way to a party when he comes across a young boy shoveling ass over tea kettle at an enormous mountain of manure. The man asks the child if he wouldn't rather go with him to the party than shovel all that poop. The kid says, “No way man. With all that poop... there must be a pony in there somewhere